We all have felt worthless at times and it is an awful feeling. It usually happens when things don’t go our way and we begin to question our abilities and worth. Or maybe you are or were in a relationship where the other person has treated you like garbage and began to label you things or solely blame you for all the issues in the relationship. It is also tough when you don’t have an outlet that will allow you to vent because you are afraid of being judged. I am here to first tell you that you are not worthless that you are a special being capable of love and light. I also know that you have the right to feel hurt and angry in whatever situation you are in. One of the worst things someone can tell me is to “get over it”, or “move on.” I think it is healthy to feel your feelings so you can deal with them right there and then. Of course, we don’t want to stay in the negative feelings forever that is not healthy but you must acknowledge the hurt because it is there and it matters. So, here are my top 5 tips for helping you climb out of the dark hole of self-doubt.
1) Let it Out! Vent! Cry! Punch Something (not someone or something that can hurt you)! As I said above you need to feel your feelings. The worst thing you can do is brush them under the rug or ignore them. I know when I am feeling overwhelmed, hurt or angry I have to have a hysterical cry. I feel so much better afterward. Venting is great if you can find the right person to listen. This is where a counselor is preferred because sometimes partners, friends or family don’t necessarily allow you to let it out without jumping to give advice or judging you or worse telling you to not worry about it. Therapists will allow you to speak and feel and then help guide you to a better place.
If you are dealing with anger the best way for me to get that out is going to the gym. At the gym, you can find punching bags and let your anger out all over the bags. I also like cardio for this as it helps me focus on the exercise and it gives me the necessary endorphins I need. The idea here is to move your body to let out your frustration in a healthy way.
Journaling is also a great way to deal with negative emotions. Write out exactly what you would love to yell out at a person or situation. Put your emotions on the paper. Then you could save these and read them later after you feel better to go back and analyze some things to make you realize aspects of yourself to get to know you better for dealing with your emotions.
2) Remember Who You Are Here focus on what you know is true. Who are you? You are a being full of love and light. Your innate nature is to be kind and loving. Remember a time where you felt so proud of yourself or accomplished something great. Remember how you felt and the work you did to get there. Just because one situation didn’t go your way shouldn’t eliminate all the work you’ve done to get where you are today. We are human and make mistakes. Failure is a part of life and will always happen. Failure is good because what it means is that you tried. Don’t be so hard on yourself give yourself the credit you deserve. You are not all the things that the world has labeled you either so don’t ever stay stuck on those or things you’ve labeled yourself. You are a powerful human being and you need to remember that.
3) Be Kind and Grateful Remember a time when you or someone did something kind. Remember when someone helped you and how that made you feel. Did you feel grateful? Did you feel happy and perked up? Again, remember that you and other humans were born to be kind and loving. No one can take the kindness and love that you can give. If people have hurt you or gave up on you just remember that sometimes people don’t know how to handle your feelings or their feelings so they can’t be the one who picks you up. Sometimes people don’t remember that they should be compassionate or kind. You can, however, use your frustrations and continue to be kind to others. Hurt people hurt people. The worst thing for you to do is hurt others because that is not who you are naturally. As said in tip two remember you are better than that and be grateful for the good things in your life and for the people who love you unconditionally. Take time to do things that are giving and kind it will fill your heart back up with love and light.
4) Take Time to Self-Care. I must say I am a bit of a workaholic, which I don’t think is a necessarily a bad thing especially if you are hustling to be successful and accomplish your goals. I do think though I struggle with slowing a bit down and listening to my body. When you are feeling emotionally overwhelmed you must take time to relax and take care of your health. Make sure you get extra sleep and are eating a balanced diet. I tend to not have an appetite and miss some meals which breaks down my energy making me feel worse. Meditation is also great and should be done all the time to keep your thoughts balanced. Meditating on positive things and the things you are proud and grateful for can make your thoughts come back to a better place.
5) Create Accountability and Don’t Give Up. You are the master of your own life. You can climb out of this hole. Become self-aware and accept things you need to change that are unhealthy or that hold you back. Go back to your goals. Write them down and create different plans if others didn’t work. If you are struggling with a relationship own the things you can change and ask your partner to go to counseling to work on things so you can have a third party to hold you both accountable for trying to fix things. Some people can be accountable on their own and others need someone to help them be accountable. Find an outlet that can hold you accountable there is no shame in that.
Getting rid of self-debt and realizing your self-worth will not be an automatic fix. It is a journey and you cannot have 100% confidence. You can change how you react to situations. It can be extra hard when people have hurt you and make you feel awful like you meant nothing to them. It takes time to stop blaming yourself or trying to pick out your flaws. That is what unconditional love is, loving the flaws even when it is tough. Obviously, there is no room for abuse those situations should not be tolerated at all. But we all have something that we have trouble dealing with and we need to accept ourselves and know that we are not wrong for having those issues. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel wrong about the things you feel or that are important to you. You are worthy of love and light. The darkness is crap but it can help with growing a better and beautiful you. So don’t be afraid of the dark and always remember the light is inside of you to use whenever you need it.