“Stay out of the court of self-judgment, for there is no presumption of innocence.”
― Robert Brault
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Harsh judgments will poison your life it is a vicious cycle that was learned and when we judge others we also judge ourselves in the same way. If you have a negative perception of yourself it’s because someone did that to you. We were born pure and never thought bad about ourselves or had rigid expectations for ourselves. Therefore, forgive yourself because you most likely were abused and now you might be humbly realizing it. When I was a child my feelings really weren’t considered, so it became normal to me when I was ignored emotionally. The way some of my family members judged others also made it seem normal and made me judge myself with the judgments they were making like making fun of fat people made me worry if I ever got fat I would be judged. If you have been abused, you then abuse yourself and other people. If you’ve come from a dysfunctional home self-care is looked at as selfish this is something I didn’t realize as I felt selfish when I thought of what I wanted or how I felt. Judgment, however, is something that is human, and it is an attempt to take control of our feelings and behavior. It is just an opinion sometimes negative or positive, so we can’t just totally get rid of judging ourselves and others. However, you can become aware of it, feel it and work with it so that it doesn’t hold you back or make you a mean person. Here are some ways you can start to become aware of the little dictator trying to control your life inside of you and to start letting it go.
Forgiveness. First, it’s important to forgive yourself. You must understand what you are feeling, doing and have learned. The quicker you accept your programming the quicker you can start healing. Look for the danger signs and red flags for what you attract in life. Some of my family members judged anyone who had self-esteem, so it seemed like we should lower ourselves to fit in the comfortable box. When you are going through these things we seek validation from our parents or people we learned the judgments from and felt afraid of what the outside world will think so we just stay feeling stuck. Being critical is a part of your history. We are drawn to what we are familiar with. When I had confidence, my parents called me faceta when I got dolled up (which is a new Mexican Spanish word for stuck up) so they were really telling me to be plain and unseen even if they thought it was joking. So, this makes us doubt or limit ourselves. So, we become afraid to step out of the box to be ourselves. This makes us easier to control and why parents might treat us this way or because their parents did the same. One moment I was a little princess and the next I was being screamed at for doing something wrong which brought on feelings of shame and failure. So whenever I do something wrong I am quick to feel so much guilt and disappointment in myself. Then if you have friends who are critical and judge others it is more programming to add to judging yourself and others.
Awareness. Next step as I suggest in many other posts is to take notice and become aware of how you judge yourself and others. This is where I suggest you take 30 minutes to write down or just say out loud first all the judgments you have for yourself, for example, I am lazy, not good enough, fat, stupid, etc. Then write out all the judgments you have said to other people. Every time you hear yourself say something negative write it down. So, you can be aware and listen to it. Especially for people, you are criticizing that you don’t know. Write out the list it may be very lengthy. Write all of them down every single harsh judgment or even a positive judgment like maybe you’ve called another female a princess. Once you can see what type of judgments you have in your mind you can start to ask yourself why you had the judgment at the moment. When you judge others that judgment gets applied to yourself, so you always feel inadequate when it comes back to you. For example, if you’ve always judged fat people the moment you gain some weight or eat “bad food” you judge yourself because your mind remembers how it judged others.
Allowance. Allow yourself to feel the judgment you are having. Just like negative thinking we have to try to break the cycle or pattern of judgment. When we judge ourselves we usually are not aware of it then we act out on it and have a tantrum and then we hang on to it. Now since we are learning to become aware of the judgment we can then allow it to happen by feeling it emotionally and physically and we can then ask ourselves if we want to hold on or let go of this judgment. Do what feels right for you at the moment. Judging ourselves and others are really trying to help us become better, therefore, it’s never going to go away. However, we tend to be too hard on our self and hold rigid expectations some of you may even be perfectionists that’s where it can become troublesome. This is where you want to let go of certain things and just let yourself be to enjoy the experiences, lessons and the process.